Writer's Block

I often think that I should write about this process, about the strange thing that has happened to me and my faith. Yet when I sit down to do it, there aren't any words. I have writer's block in the worst way and can not begin to think of what to say. How do I describe the stretching and tearing of one's soul? How do I describe a faith being tried in the flame and found wanting? What words can actually explain what happens inside when your life falls into pieces around you leaving nothing to hide you from a very disturbing world? Of course there are words but are there words that have the emotion behind them that communicate the depth of feeling involved? They hardly do the process justice. They hardly do the one suffering in the process justice.

Maybe at some other point in my life I will actually be able to write about this. Perhaps when I come to the end of this particular journey the words will once again flow. And in the writing there will be healing and in the sharing others will be blessed.

The Sacrifice of Praise

“Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name.” Hebrews 13:15
Thank You Lord for who You are and for what only You can do. Thank You for working out details that can only come together by Your hand. Thank You for concerning Yourself with our lives, for taking interest in us and loving us. Thank You for not leaving us as we were or as we are but for carrying us forward, for challenging us forward, for calling us forward. Thank You for testing us, for giving us an opportunity to grow, to persevere, to build character and to know You more in and through the process. You alone are the giver of every good gift. You alone are the author of every good thought or deed. You are the Creator and the Perfector. You will bring it about. You are responsible to do what You have said You will do. Only You can soften our hard hearts and let us love freely as You want us to. Only You can fulfill all our needs. Only You know exactly what those needs are. Only You are responsible for the life giving waters that flow in our lives. You are our Provider – our Jehovah Jireh, our very present help in time of trouble, our Elohim – our strong one, our Adonai – Lord and Master, El Elyon – most strongest strong one, El Rio – strong one who sees, El Shaddai – almighty God, El Olam – everlasting God. You are all these things. We praise You in the midst of struggle and fear and turmoil. Thank You for sending Your son for us. Thank You for Your word. Thank You for Your Spirit. Thank You for intercession on our behalf at Your throne. Thank You for insight, wisdom, and discernment. Thank You that You are able and You are strong. Thank You that You are holy, just, good, righteous, loving, patient, everlasting, in control, and ready to act as You see fit. Forgive us for not trusting You. We confess that we don’t. We would rather trust in what we can figure out or control or in what the world tells us. Teach us to live by Your word, in Your peace, content in what we have; passionate in the life You have given us. Let us learn You, know You, experience You, reflect You, speak of You, love You, share You with others. Mold us and make us who You want us to be. Open our eyes and ears and heart to the things that are of You. We praise You. We offer up this sacrifice of praise, trusting that You will receive it.

Insanity

They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting to get a different result. I must be insane because every week I wear mascara to church thinking that that will be the week I don’t cry. Ha! I should just stop wearing the stuff because thus far it hasn’t worked and it ends up all over my face no matter how hard I try to avoid it.