Thoughts

Some thoughts are too high, too deep, too wide.

They can not be grasped, captured or reconciled.

So Tired

Sometimes it just doesn't matter what you do-

you're just not going to sleep.

And because of that you are going to be

so tired...

Loved

Aimés…Loved

…this is the day for you to wake up to God’s love for you…

…rooted and ground in love…

eph. 3:17-19

It is Time

I thought I had something to say. I thought it would be beautiful and bold. I thought the words would flow again as in the days of old.

I thought it was time.

I think too much.

I felt a burning in my lungs. I felt a burning deeper still. I felt it burning in my soul with every step upon that hill.

I felt it was time.

I feel it much, much more.

I saw the past before my eyes. I saw the future pass me by. I saw but didn't dare to dream something else was there.

I saw it was time.

I see clearly.

I think I want to share. I think that some might care. I think, but do I dare?

I think too much.

I thought it was time.

I feel my pain. I feel its drain. I feel intensely, acutely, miraculously sane.

I feel it much, much more.

I felt it was time.

I see my self. I see with eyes of stealth. I see what looks a lot like health.

I see clearly.

I saw it was time.

It is time.

The Giver

If you lack wisdom, ask Me because I give generously and won't make you feel dumb for having asked. And I will give it to you. If when you were my enemy I made things right between us, even more I will save you by My life. I am your Father who has compassion on you because you fear Me. I know your frame - that you are just dust. Unlike you, My word endures forever. It is not dust. And this word I preached to you is that the world is passing away and also it's lusts, but the one who does My will, will live forever. I have told you this so that you will have My joy in you and that that joy would be made full. My secret is for those like you who fear Me, and I will make you know My covenant. For I am the high and exalted One who lives forever and whose name is Holy. I dwell on a high and holy place, and also with the contrite and lowly of spirit in order to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite. I have always loved you. I will always love you!

(Jam1:15, Rom5:10, Psa103:13-14, 1Pet1:25, 1Jn2:17, Jn15:11, Psa25:14, Isa57:15, Jer31:3)

I Believe

Lord, You have always given bread for the coming day; and

though I am poor, tonight I believe.

Lord, You have always given strength for the coming day; and

though I am weak, tonight I believe.

Lord, You have always given peace for the coming day; and

though of anxious heart, tonight I believe.

Lord, You have always kept me safe in trials, and

now, tried as I am, tonight I believe.

Lord, You have always marked the road for the coming day; and

though it may be hidden, tonight I believe.

Lord, You have always lightened this darkness of mine; and

though the night is here, tonight I believe.

Lord, You have always spoken when time was ripe; and

though you be silent now, tonight I believe.

(Celtic Evening Prayer)

A Little Less Noise

It's not that I don't like music but once in a while there is a great need within me for silence. My senses can no longer stand the cacophony of sound that bombards me. A little less noise please, a little less noise for I fear I shall go crazy if I don't get a little peace and quiet.

Take Courage

How often do we realize there is a war being waged against us?

That the battle is raging, furious and strong?

Though we might not see it in the physical realm,

it is there none the less...do not be fooled.

Take courage, take courage you who would hear:

He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

You are not alone...

Victory belongs to the Lord!

Loved First

Do I really believe that I am loved first, independent of what I do or what I accomplish? This is an important question because as long as I think that what I most need I have to earn, deserve and collect by hard work, I will never get what I most need and desire, which is a love that cannot be earned but is freely given. Henri Nouwen

The Lord, The Lord God

The Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, "The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth." Exodus 34:6

Writer's Block

I often think that I should write about this process, about the strange thing that has happened to me and my faith. Yet when I sit down to do it, there aren't any words. I have writer's block in the worst way and can not begin to think of what to say. How do I describe the stretching and tearing of one's soul? How do I describe a faith being tried in the flame and found wanting? What words can actually explain what happens inside when your life falls into pieces around you leaving nothing to hide you from a very disturbing world? Of course there are words but are there words that have the emotion behind them that communicate the depth of feeling involved? They hardly do the process justice. They hardly do the one suffering in the process justice.

Maybe at some other point in my life I will actually be able to write about this. Perhaps when I come to the end of this particular journey the words will once again flow. And in the writing there will be healing and in the sharing others will be blessed.

The Sacrifice of Praise

“Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name.” Hebrews 13:15
Thank You Lord for who You are and for what only You can do. Thank You for working out details that can only come together by Your hand. Thank You for concerning Yourself with our lives, for taking interest in us and loving us. Thank You for not leaving us as we were or as we are but for carrying us forward, for challenging us forward, for calling us forward. Thank You for testing us, for giving us an opportunity to grow, to persevere, to build character and to know You more in and through the process. You alone are the giver of every good gift. You alone are the author of every good thought or deed. You are the Creator and the Perfector. You will bring it about. You are responsible to do what You have said You will do. Only You can soften our hard hearts and let us love freely as You want us to. Only You can fulfill all our needs. Only You know exactly what those needs are. Only You are responsible for the life giving waters that flow in our lives. You are our Provider – our Jehovah Jireh, our very present help in time of trouble, our Elohim – our strong one, our Adonai – Lord and Master, El Elyon – most strongest strong one, El Rio – strong one who sees, El Shaddai – almighty God, El Olam – everlasting God. You are all these things. We praise You in the midst of struggle and fear and turmoil. Thank You for sending Your son for us. Thank You for Your word. Thank You for Your Spirit. Thank You for intercession on our behalf at Your throne. Thank You for insight, wisdom, and discernment. Thank You that You are able and You are strong. Thank You that You are holy, just, good, righteous, loving, patient, everlasting, in control, and ready to act as You see fit. Forgive us for not trusting You. We confess that we don’t. We would rather trust in what we can figure out or control or in what the world tells us. Teach us to live by Your word, in Your peace, content in what we have; passionate in the life You have given us. Let us learn You, know You, experience You, reflect You, speak of You, love You, share You with others. Mold us and make us who You want us to be. Open our eyes and ears and heart to the things that are of You. We praise You. We offer up this sacrifice of praise, trusting that You will receive it.

Insanity

They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting to get a different result. I must be insane because every week I wear mascara to church thinking that that will be the week I don’t cry. Ha! I should just stop wearing the stuff because thus far it hasn’t worked and it ends up all over my face no matter how hard I try to avoid it.

Hope

Sometimes hope is like a rose bush

with thick thorns, sharp and treacherous,

and brilliant blossoms, bold and mesmerizing.

A Renewed Mind

“And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2
Sometimes I am overwhelmed when I look around me. There is so much vying for my attention. This world shouts at me to seek it, to chase it, to become just like it. It lures me with larger-than-life billboards advertising the perfect life if only I have… It paints portraits of lives without consequences, full of romance, success, and happy endings. It cleverly communicates the message that this life is really all about me. Everywhere I turn there is a continuous bombardment of temptations to give into. “Conform,” it quietly chants over and over again. “Be like us,” it hisses, “and you will finally be free, fulfilled and happy. Buy just one more dress, one more drink, one more car, one more house, one more anything. Spend more time on yourself, pamper yourself, indulge in your every whim. There is no real right or wrong. You create your own reality, so do anything you desire. After all, it is all about you!”

The lies, they swirl around us, seeping into any unprotected pore of our heart and mind, insidious, sly, and persuasive. Whether you believe it or not, the truth is that there is an all-out war being waged for the peace of our souls. Satan has marked us as believers and followers of Christ, threats to his kingdom on earth. His plan is to distract us from anything that will fill our souls with strength, our hearts with hope, and our minds with mighty visions of victory. Though he is crafty, his plan is all too simple, yet how easily we fall victim to it.

How do we fight against the persuasive push towards conformation to this world? How do we guard our hearts from the falseness that is fed us each and every day? How do we renew our minds, being transformed into the likeness of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? In a word: TRUTH. The Word of God is truth, and that truth is your soul’s armor against the lies and attacks of the devil. That truth transforms your mind and gives you eyes to see things as they really are – as God sees them. You will be able to withstand the garbage heaped upon you by this world because you will have the sword of the spirit (which is the word of God) to fight with. Make no mistake. This is a battle, and you are in it whether you want to be or not. You will be called upon to stand up and fight, to claim and proclaim truth, and to encourage and strengthen the weak. It’s not a matter of “if” but rather “when”. Are you prepared? Do you know the truth that will keep you from falling?

Get into God’s word - which is truth. Yes, that big black book with the cross etched in gold, that most precious piece of writing known to man. It is by far the best way to renew your mind in the mass assault you experience. In it you will find absolute, pure and undefiled truth. You will find the person of Jesus Christ who leads us as a perfect example, suffering that we may have life, drawing us ever closer to God if we allow Him. You will find His rich grace which allows us the privilege each day to enter boldly and confidently into His presence. You will find encouragement to endure and a hope that does not fade. You will find strength from the words of a shepherd boy who cried out to God in all things. You will find power in prayers poured out by penitent prophets. You will meet men who although captured, taken to pagan and foreign lands, and taught the ways of the world did not conform to that which wasn’t right. You will come across miracle after miracle – of the blind given sight, the deaf given ears to hear, the lame given feet to walk, the sick becoming whole and even the dead brought back to life. You will learn what it means to follow God, to love and obey and serve Him. God’s word will speak into your heart what is right and good and pure and true.

Each day we are being influenced and transformed by something. So the real question is what are you allowing yourself to be influenced and transformed by? Romans 8:5 says that those who are of the flesh set their minds on things of the flesh and those of the Spirit set their minds on things of the Spirit. This world wants you to set your mind on your flesh. It tirelessly promotes “self” as the only worthwhile pursuit. You know it’s true when you look around you. And it will be very apparent by the fruit of your life which one controls you. SET YOUR HEART ON TRUTH! Jesus said, “If you abide in my word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (Jn.8:31-32). Isn’t that we are all after anyway? Freedom from the death grip this world has on us. Freedom from the fear that we aren’t enough. Freedom from the slavery to sin that entangles us if we allow ourselves to be drawn in by the lecherous lies continually lobbed our way. “Freedom” is the cry of my heart: “Lord, free me from the bondage of believing that what this world has to offer is better than what You offer. Transform me, Lord, by Your power, that I will pursue that which is good and acceptable and pure.”